As children, we were always taught to speak our minds and say what we feel.
In fact, children are known to be quite blunt and they speak without a filter. Yet, somehow as we grow up, we begin to censor what we say.
As adults, society asks us to stay strong and to watch out for other people’s emotions.
Often times, it almost seems easier to hide your feelings rather than confront how you truly feel.
Some people even refer to their baggage as a can of worms that are better off staying close.
Therefore, the ultimate question is, isn’t it easier to bury everything under the rug?
No! I always say, “Be Honest and Face your Shit. Even if it’s painful.”
All of our problems are due to our own perception of them.
It is how we see and interpret our problems.
When confronted with our problems, we have a choice as to how we behave and react.
It is about the emotional attachment we give to that situation.
Our subconscious mind learns from previous experiences and any previous problem that we did not effectively deal with becomes a trigger.
Ultimately, your mind has observed that same behaviour with a similar experience previously so it will behave the same way again with the same or similar trigger.
So the whole point is that when you face your own shit, you own it. It becomes your responsibility.
It is about how it makes you feel in that situation and then embracing that feeling.
Why can’t we just blame others when it’s easier?
Of course, it is easier to blame somebody else.
We don’t like to accept responsibility.
It’s easier to blame somebody else for your anger.
For example, it is easier to say that “our partners, children, colleagues, family, and other people made me angry” when in reality you got angry because of the trigger.
Why is it important to be honest?
When you are honest with yourself, you can accept and integrate your emotions.
Your own shit is your own shadow, its your dark shadow that will follow you everywhere unless you confront it head on.
When you start to own it you actually create healthy boundaries and show the other person respect for their views.
It is about accepting that this makes “me” feel angry and not “what you said makes me angry.”
Blaming is easier but at the end of the day, it just means that you are running away from yourself and you disregard this part of yourself.
Reality is that all your triggers and emotions are a part of you and you should not have to hide from your dark shadow.
For example, we don’t want people to see us angry so rather than showing my anger for what it is, I blame the anger and say that I am angry because of you.
Being honest with yourself and taking responsibility for how you feel is liberating and will lift the weight off of your shoulders.
This will also allow you to have healthier relationships with others.
The more honest you are, you will be able to identify your triggers and you can then be more proactive about how you react and handle problems.
Read another article here: https://monicavaro.uk/blog/dealing-difficult-situations-problems/